sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
