Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
