I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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