The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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