Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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