I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
can u get pink eye on your cock?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
