For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Boobs speak an international language.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
