Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
