i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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