but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
