How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
