Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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