I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
