We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
