Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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