I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I have post one night stand depression
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