just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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