I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I lost the right to judge tonight
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
