his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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