That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
high people should be assigned attendants
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
