I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
