just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
