I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
