So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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