theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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