so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
