They should really pass out barf bags in church
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
God, you're like boner-b-gone
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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