I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
