Hey man sorry I got all grabby
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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