Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
