college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
