i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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