I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
