Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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