Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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