If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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