i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
We left the knife in your bed.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
