Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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