can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
