At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
