your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
