Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I have fence marks all over my body
he just fucked me for my cheese.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
