i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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