Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
