Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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