she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Sext me about skeletons
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
