I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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