I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
