mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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