Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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