Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
