No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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