he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
