what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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