singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
